I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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