Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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