there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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