OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
