just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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