working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
