i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
