Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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