I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
