am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
