it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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