just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
