I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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