Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
