at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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