Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Barsexuality is the new black.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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