So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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