Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
