Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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