we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
