I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
