she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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