he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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