I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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