There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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