When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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