well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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