I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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