Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
