dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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