ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
