Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
