mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
