Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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