he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
