just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
