Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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