that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They took my balls.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
