It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
