ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
