I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
