I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
