i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
