whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
