How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
