what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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