Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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