Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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