Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
