Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
