Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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