wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
