I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
